In which Neil Payter obtains some canine assistance in creating a true shaggy dog story 

Living on my boat (a Yamaha 34) at Haslar Marina with my partner Maria, who runs the Lightship bar & restaurant there, I have plenty of opportunities to witness the difficulties many boat owners experience parking a boat. As a yachtmaster instructor I am of course always sympathetic and ready to help if asked, but who of us can resist a little amusement at others’ expense once in a while?
Last summer I had to take my boat round to Gosport marina to fuel up. I was alone apart from the company of a friend’s dog, who loves being on board. Fido (let’s call him that) sat at the rear of the cockpit, one paw on the tiller, bright eyed and bushy tailed, taking in everything around him. All he needed was the Captain’s hat to complete his air of authority.
I approached the fuel berth at the same time as a sea school boat, also going in for fuel. There were four students on board. They were attempting to park with the tide behind them and the wind blowing them off the pontoon. They made it – just, after a flying leap ashore with the mooring lines. Of course their fenders were all at the wrong height, some too high and some too low. All was accomplished with a degree of shouting (and swearing).
I closed on the pontoon from the other direction. The tide was against me to slow me down, and with the wind blowing me onto the pontoon, it couldn’t have been easier.
I went into neutral, lashed the tiller, and walked to the shrouds, rolling a fag with a distinctly nonchalant air. I shouted instructions to Fido, ‘’left a bit… right a bit… that’s good’’. Aware of course that Fido by now had the audience.
As predicted, the boat closed on the pontoon doing less than half a knot. I stepped ashore, tied up the boat, and called back: “Neutral Fido – and well parked!’’.
Needless to say, the school boat’s crew were wide-eyed at this boathandling dog. They
ambled along and asked incredulously: “Did that dog really just park the boat?”
“Oh yes,” I replied easily.
‘’How on earth did you train the dog to do that?’’
‘’Treat it with kindness,’’ was all I could say.

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